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All That Matters Lies in the Heart

The words were sharp. Although I know brothers will disagree and words happen in the heat of the moment. These words followed a thread of similar words I had noticed over time. They were words that pointed to the condition of my child’s heart.

All That Matters Lies in the Heart - Book Review - How to Win Your Child's Heart for Life by Melanie Redd - Lori Schumaker

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it.”

But the words landed flat and my spirit sensed something was wrong. I couldn’t let the situation rest where it was.

“Buddy, your brother forgives you and I do, too. However, we need to talk about what’s going on in your heart to make these kinds of words spill over so easily.”

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. -Luke 6:45 NIV

It’s always been a matter of the heart for me. In all relationships. But most importantly, in my parenting. Because, friends, everything is about the heart. Reaching the heart of someone is when learning takes place.

It’s when you matter to each other.

It’s when wounds are healed and transformations take place.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23

It is with the heart that we reach our children. And it is with the heart that we build relationships that have the strength to weather the storms of life.

It is with the #heart that we build relationships that have the strength to weather the storms of life. #bookreview @melanieredd Click To Tweet

So, when I was given the opportunity to read How to Win Your Child’s Heart for Life, by Melanie Redd, I was drawn in immediately by Melanie’s message of winning your child’s heart.

In her book, she outlines 8 strategies that will help you win your child’s heart for life. Her book is easy to read while still filled with strategies and resources. In a world with so much noise about the next best thing in parenting, Melanie simplifies it all into these 8 powerful but simple strategies.

  1. Make prayer a top priority in your home.
  2. Always be learning and growing as a parent.
  3. Seek out older, wiser friends who can give you insight and perspective.
  4. Quit barking at your kids!
  5. Teach your children when they are the most teachable.
  6. Choose your battles wisely!
  7. Make your home a place of laughter, joy, humor, and fun!
  8. Never stop loving and encouraging your kids.

My favorite strategy? Choose your battles wisely!

Between my eldest who is in the throes of the early teen years and my youngest with behavioral special needs, I have an ample supply of battles to choose from! My brain often feels overloaded from filtering whether an issue is

a mountain?

or

a molehill?

In this chapter, Melanie gives several qualifying questions and parameters to help determine the difference between a battle to fight or a battle to lay down. The qualifiers are spot on and once you go through them a few times, they will become part of your natural thought process.

When I read parenting books, I filter them through several sets of eyes. The eyes of an adoptive and biologic Mama with three remarkably unique children. One of my children is very typical other than some manageable ADHD. The other has, among other things, manageable but severe ADHD. My little has significant physical, mental, and behavioral special needs. I often feel that each child requires their very own set of strategies. So as I read How to Win Your Child’s Heart for Life, I was inspired by the fact that this book is one that will benefit any parent in any situation. It’s not a book that would give you specific strategies for working with a behaviorally challenged child, however it sets the stage for what needs to be the foundation for raising any and all kinds of children.

It sets the stage for a healthy family environment and puts you on the path to becoming the best parent possible whether your children have typical or special needs.

When I look back at that particular moment between my boys, I recognize several of Melanie’s strategies.  When I sensed the condition of my son’s heart was not in a good place, I determined it was a battle I needed to face head on. We turned to prayer and I loved on them both even in the midst of the ugliness. And in those moments we did get to the bottom of a few things and found out there were some hurts growing in his heart. By talking with him, we brought to light what the enemy wanted to keep dark.

And the wounds began to heal.

If you want to reach your child’s heart and win it for life, this book would be a phenomenal place to start! It’s can find it on Amazon by clicking here!

How to Win Your Child's Heart for Life

What Matters Lies in the #Heart: #bookreview>How to Win Your Child's Heart for Life @melanieredd Click To Tweet

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33 Comments

  1. I love your review, Lori! I too have to ask myself if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Proverbs 4:23 is a great verse to hold on to when trying to keep our child’s heart and for making sure our heart is in the right place too.

    1. Thanks so much, Valerie! Isn’t that decision making between mountain and molehill a relentless one? There are days I feel like it’s a nonstop barrage of situations! Argh! But, when I line it up with the heart of the matter, it helps so much!
      Hugs,
      Lori

  2. Lori, I love this book review because I can tell it really went to a deep place for you as a parent, and that you used it’s wisdom in profound ways to reach your a deep need your son was having..what a gift! I love how the book speaks to the uniqueness of each of your children..and it’s not just a cookie cutter book. I wish I had a book like this during the teen years..my son is graduating high school so we went through the bumpy teen years, (although I’m sure I can still use it!)..we made so many mistakes for sure, but always my intention was seeking his heart. I noticed just today how many tender moments we’ve been having planning a trip he’s taking this summer, and how our hearts are in a good place after lot of bumps in the road! Blessings, love this today!

    1. Oh, Kathy, we are bumping along that teen road right now! (see my eyes cross! lol!) I’m thankful for resources that help, too, but we always need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to give us that discernment! I love that you and your son are sharing those moments now. That is so sweet and reassures me that a day will come for us again, too.

      Thank you so much for visiting me this week! I always love your visits! And I wanted to make sure you knew about my new Monday link-up called Moments of Hope! I’d love for you to share your beautiful words of hope there!
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  3. I’m so glad this book helped you, Lori, even with a special needs child. I’m past that stage of parenting, but my youngest son has said more often concerning his kids, “We have learned to pick our battles.” I love how you decide that – “When I sensed the condition of my son’s heart was not in a good place, I determined it was a battle I needed to face head on.” Blessings and hugs to you!

    1. Thanks so much, Trudy! Big hugs right back!!

  4. Sounds like a good read and a fantastic guide. There’s been much focus on the heart in our own home lately, so I’m glad to find this goodie. Thanks for sharing, Lori.

    1. Hi Kristi,
      Thank you so much for visiting! I loved seeing your beautiful smile! I’m so glad you are a Mama shepherding your children’s hearts. Keep it up!
      Hugs,
      Lori

  5. Thank you, Lori!
    You bless me, girl!
    I love the way that you shared your personal story while talking about the material in the book. What a great post!
    I’m so thankful for sweet ministry friends like you!
    It’s a joy to serve alongside you.
    And, I love very forward to that day when we get to meet in person!
    You are a blessing~
    Melanie

    1. Melanie,
      Your book is such a great resource! It’s something I wish I could get in the hands of every new Mama to help them prepare for the future. Well… maybe after the overwhelm of no sleep 🙂 I’m so thankful for you – you cannot even imagine! And I, too, can’t wait for that day to meet in person!

      Hugs,
      Lori

  6. Lori, this is an amazing and very personal book review. Thanks for giving us your view of Melanie’s book as well as a view of your own heart.

    1. Thank you, Michel ♥ You bless me immensely!

  7. I read Melanie’s book and yes, I agree, she offers parents practical ways to deal with all ages. Sharing this on social media!

    1. Thank you, Michelle, for sharing! I appreciate that so much!

  8. Of course Melanie’s book is great. How are you Lori? I am sorry I have been away for a while.
    My hubby just came back and it’s been hectic.
    Would be going on a study break in month’s time may be blogging would be better.

    With much love to you.
    Blessings to you

    1. Hi Ifeoma,
      I have missed you! I thought your life must have much going on right now! You have such a beautiful heart to love on others and encourage them so I know you would be here doing what you love if you could! Praying for your decision for a study break or for blogging! I’d be honored to have you join me at my new link-up, Moments of Hope, on Mondays!
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  9. Definitely agree on choosing your battles! My four are so different – each with strong personalities – that I’m often learning about their individual hearts and motives. Thankful we have a Wise Father whom I turn to everyday for help! Thank you for sharing this resource!

    1. Carrie,
      I’m so glad your sweet treasures have a Mama who shepherds their hearts and turns to the Father for her wisdom! Those strong personalities were given to you for that very reason! Praying for your endurance, my friend!!! ♥
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  10. Great strategies!! Some, I wish I would have used when my son was younger and living at home. But, I can still definitely apply most of these, even now when he is an adult…like “picking our battles”. Now that he is an adult, he must make his own decisions and live with the consequences of his mistakes(like we all do). I must respect his decisions and not try to change him, but just love him unconditionally. Thanks for sharing.

    1. What a great perspective, Ann! I haven’t gotten there yet, but I will hold onto these words and remember to continue to pick those battles in regards to the letting my children go. Loving them even when their decisions are not what I would choose. Thank you so much for visiting today!
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  11. Choosing battles wisely…that has been something that has helped me greatly through parenting! Sounds like a great book with helpful strategies.

    1. Thank you for that affirmations, Sarah! I love the wisdom from someone who has been there and done that!
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  12. Thanks for sharing about Melanie’s book.

    Many years ago when my kids were younger, my go to book was “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp. It made such a difference in our home, especially for my son who had severe ADHD.

    Melanie’s points for helping foster a child’s heart are so key, for we are the models that have the most impact on our children.

    1. Karen,
      I loved that book by Ted Tripp! I always recommend it, as well! Actually, in her book, Melanie recommends it! Both of these books can truly help parent children of all needs! Thank you so much for visiting today! I’d love to have you come back Monday for my new link-up, Moments of Hope!
      Blessings and smiles,
      Lori

  13. Our boys are raised and I can testify that the strategies outlined in the book are well worth committing to. All that being said, we are all imperfect parents who depend on a perfect God. So grateful that He helps us along the way. Great review, Lori and thanks for the link-up!

    1. Thank you, Laura! For both the affirmation and for the freeing truth that we are all imperfect parents who depend on a perfect God! Amen!

  14. Lori, I love how you’ve been able to take a real life situation and look at it through the lens of Melanie’s book. So glad that the devil’s schemes were exposed that day with your boys!
    I’m so grateful for books like Melanie’s to help us through many of the struggles we come up against as we parent our kids.
    Thanks for sharing. Love you, my friend!

  15. When anyone has asked me what my top parenting advice would be over the years I tell them number 6 on this list over and over ” choose your battles” . Thanks for linking to #sharewithme and hope to see you again

    1. Amen! Choosing our battles is a powerful one! Thank you for visiting!

  16. Getting to the heart of the matter. I have been reevaluating my parenting lately. I want to be a good mamma but often ties, I feel I have failed time and time again. There have been many great resources over the past couple of weeks that I have heard and read about including Melanie’s new book. Thank you for sharing your honesty and heart with us at Sitting Among Friends.

    1. Sweet Jaime,
      Although I truly recommend Jaime’s book along with Ted Tripp’s Shepherding Your Child’s Heart, I believe you are a wonderful Mama! We will all fail again and again, but we have an amazing God who fills our gaps. Much love to you!
      Lori

  17. Lori, I am so impressed with you and how you relate to your children. You have been given a gift and I wish I could be a fly on the wall to watch you in action. I always learn so much from you.

    You were certainly given your children as God trusted you to raise them best with your talents.

    I love your huge heart and your talent of getting to the most important parts of any situation. I read a blog post earlier this week about how our names mean more than we think and so I had to look your name up.

    “The name Lori is a Latin baby name. In Latin the meaning of the name Lori is: Laurel tree or sweet bay tree (symbols of honour and victory).”

    I think it fits you perfectly! xoxoxo
    Huge hugs.