Today I am thrilled to bring you the encouragement of Alison Tiemeyer. I’ve had the blessing of spending time with this irresistible young lady and am blown away by her gentle spirit, her loving heart, and her wisdom that is far beyond her years. It is her heart’s desire to love others well and I promise you, this post on loving well as a new wife will inspire you and give you hope!
There was a season of time when I was sad – but also happy – every single day. We had just moved 1800 miles across the country three days after our wedding, and I was lonely and sad, but happy and content at the same time. I missed home, my parents, and my friends. But I also loved our new life together, our marriage, and the adventure.
Without knowing what was happening, my man was taking those feelings of sadness and piling them upon himself as one big heap of responsibility.
I didn’t know that he was taking the blame. And he didn’t know that I could feel two contrasting emotions so strongly at the same time.
One day, after a bout of tears and an attempt at explaining myself, I said, “I can have emotions – I can be sad – and it not be about you.”
And a light bulb went off.
Suddenly we both understood what had been happening for months and months. I was feeling big feelings – like any normal woman does. And my husband was trying to fix my sadness – like any normal man does.
It was in that moment that we both learned something incredibly invaluable. We learned that loving well doesn’t mean we hide emotions, but that we remember emotions do not define the state of our marriage.
Young marriage is one big learning curve.Emotions do not define the state of our marriage. #lovingwell #newwife #marriageseries #hope Click To Tweet
Most of us could probably say that we entered married-life with expectations of constant happiness, fun, and sex. That is not wrong, but it’s only one slice of a monstrous pie.
Marriage is fun, challenging, and exhausting.
Marriage is about communication, sex, and love.
Marriage is late-night Netflix marathons, but it’s also late-night difficult conversations.
Marriage is disagreeing while also trusting.
The first several years of marriage are simply a learning curve. And when we learn to embrace the season and learn with abandon, a thriving love and tender devotion will naturally follow.
So, for all of the newly married wives out there, please remember one thing.
Remember that loving well in the first months & years of marriage is not about mastering the art of steamy sex, keeping the house in perfect order, or making your husband’s favorite meal often.
Loving well in a young marriage is all about embracing a season of learning.
Loving well in a young marriage is all about embracing a season of learning. #marriageseries #newwife #hope Click To Tweet
How can we best embrace this season of learning?
We surrender expectations.
Marriage will crumble with the weight of unmet expectations.
Please talk about your expectations. Surrender your expectations. Leave your expectations at the foot of the cross and truly allow the Lord to change the desires of your heart.
When you give up expectations, a door swings open and there is great opportunity to learn about loving well.
We grow from our flaws.
Imperfections impact marriage in a big way. And so, as you embrace a new season of learning to love, you must both be committed to growing from your flaws.
If my husband and I had never decided we needed to grow in our ability to communicate emotion (me) and understand he wasn’t to blame (him), our marriage would be struggling.
Choose not to accept flaws as normal, and grow from them instead.
We quit trying to be perfect.
It is easier said than done, y’all. I know.
When we embrace this season of learning, we throw perfection to the wind and choose sanctification. We allow the Lord to change us, shape us, and create us into the perfect spouse. We admit our need for a Savior and acknowledge that we alone have no power to love well.
We live by the truth in Scripture that says, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace towards me was not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:10)
By grace, we can give up perfection and embrace imperfect learning.
We look to the love of Jesus as our guide.
We have the perfect example of perfect love constantly directing us. We can trust our guide, young wife.
Read about His love, His acceptance, His attitude, and His speech. Study the way He chose love over expectations and people over possessions. Devour truth about our Guide – the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
If ever there was a way to love, it is as Jesus loved.
God will never stop providing us with moments to fill this season of learning to love. I can’t promise that new marriage and learning to love is an easy process. But I can promise that it is a holy process.
The question then becomes, will we embrace the season or let it pass us by? Will we do the hard work, the deeper thinking, and studying of love? Will we commit to growing and giving up perfection?
Young wife, I pray that the answer is yes. I pray that you will commit to loving well by embracing this new season of learning.
Years down the road, your marriage will be deeply rooted in devotion and the holy process of learning to love will be reflected in your relationship.
Live well. Love well. Be bold.
“Alison is a wife, blogger, and Jesus-follower growing in grace and truth daily. She loves coffee in the morning, experimenting in the kitchen, camping with her husband, and reading in a hammock just about anywhere. Her blog – AlisonTiemeyer.com – exists to encourage bold living grounded in God’s grace. Basically, it’s some good soul talk in the midst of the mundane.”
Alison Tiemeyer || Writer & Blogger
Next week, Valerie from Cordof6 will share with us what loving well looks like during those busy years of chasing young children around! It’s a time of exhaustion and that can make connecting as a couple challenging. But don’t give up, friends, there is hope!
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