Post #4 of The Something Better Series
It is such an honor to welcome Laura to the blog today as she shares her Something Better story! I’d read her blog for quite some time. I was always moved by her ministry to the single Mom. Then I received the opportunity to meet her in person and not only talk, but pray together. There is such a vulnerable, yet strong … peaceful, yet courageous spirit about her. She writes to the Mom who never dreamed her future would look as it does.
It was one of those days where everything was fine just 24 hours earlier. I blindly went along believing that life was finally settling down. That a new normal was just up ahead. That no matter what was happening around me; I would eventually get through the chaos and to the other side.
Until I received another family court notice in the mail. Another sign that my ex was determined to continue to make this road as difficult as possible. Just another reminder of how alone I was as a single mom.
And I realized that I was falling again.
Or maybe I should say failing again.
Because that’s what it felt like.
Two-and-a-half years into life as a single mom, I’m still not sure I have a handle on it. There are still moments of deep grief for what my children face. There are moments of incredible fear. Moments of pure panic at how on earth I’ll do it all, provide it all, and manage it all.
Before I was a single mom, I was the mom who could do it all with ease.
But, I realized that the life I was leading was—in all honesty—a lie I was convincing myself to believe. When reality hit, I felt as if I’d been sucker punched. This too-trusting girl took a long, hard look at her actual life and realized that it was not what she was making it seem to the rest of the world. To her extended family. To herself.
She was holding it together by so many tiny threads, manipulating each one just so, that she realized if she let even one go, it would all become a tangled, matted mess.
And that’s what it’s become.
There are moments that I’m ashamed that’s all I have to offer to anyone: a mess. And can I just tell you something? There aren’t many takers to walking alongside someone whose life looks like that.
But, there is One who has walked it from the very beginning. Even when I couldn’t admit what He was showing me was true. Even in the deep grief that followed me choosing to end my marriage. And I’ve trusted Him as He’s led me into these murky waters that I feared. Fear still. Because I trusted that in the end, there was something better that He had for me.
A life that wasn’t filled with lies and cover-ups.
A life that wasn’t consumed with fear of what would happen next.
A life that could allow others in.
A life in which I could finally open my heart to those around me.Can you trust Jesus as He walks you into the unknown waters of your something better?… Click To Tweet
Sometimes your something better may look like the thing you fear the most. The thing you never, ever, in a million years, wanted. Maybe it’s not even the path God originally intended for you to take. But it’s the path God needed you on in order to get to the end-place He planned all along.
I want that something better. And I bet you do too.
Having to choose a path that scares us is often the thing that keeps us stuck on the wrong road for so long. We’ll do anything to convince ourselves that we are happy on the wrong path. That we can manage the wrong path. That God actually prefers us on the wrong path.
Sometimes your something better isn’t getting what you thought you wanted. It’s what God had in mind. What is truly better for you, instead. And you just have to blindly trust Him to lead you to it.
I will say to the Lord, “You are my safe and strong place, my God, in Whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2
For the first time in probably my entire life, I’m learning how to let people love me. And it’s hard.
I struggle not to bend over backwards to make it easier on others who are against me. I struggle to face reality head on and not gloss it over as I tend to do. And I struggle not to tuck my head under the covers or run with full force away from what is up ahead.
And I do so only because it’s God’s hand that’s led me here. Regardless of how I feel about where I am, or how I came to be here—make no mistake: I am His, and He has led me here.You are His and He led you here.Trust Him. #somethingbetterseries #singlemom #hope @laurapolk Click To Tweet
Some days, that’s the only thing I have to cling to. But, even on those hard days, it’s so much better than clinging to the lies I was gripping onto with dear life before. Because God is on this path with me. Ahead of me. Beside me. Behind me.
Even if the starting line is not where I imagined I’d begin, the end will be so much better.
Laura Polk is a writer, speaker, and textile designer residing in North Carolina with her three children. Since becoming a single mom, her passion to minister to this group has led her to encourage successful single mom living through The Christian Single Mom on Facebook. Follow her journey through her blog or get a glimpse into her quirky thoughts and inspirations for design and writing on Pinterest.
The Something Better Series
Each Thursday for a total of 6 weeks, we will be exploring the stepping up and stepping out toward our something better in life. Come back next week when a treasured friend of mine shares how she got unstuck and stepped into her something better after finding her fairy tale life was filled with deception. This girl is one who brightens any room into which she walks. I often refer to her as the definition of “irresistible”. I have no doubt that not only will find her irresistible, too, but you will be encouraged to believe you, too, can find your something better!
Need to catch up and read the posts you missed in this series?
Week 3 – Leaving the Lies of Shame Behind
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