Again can be such an exhausting word.
Every time I think about it, memories of my dad teaching my brother and I how to swim come to mind. Take a deep breath. Let the air swell in your lungs, lunge forward and give it your best, he’d say. I’d nod, bring my hands together, body all gangly and shivering in the cold as I stood on the opposite end of the pool and tell myself to go for it.
Remember to breathe, he’d say a little louder as I did my lap. Right. If you’re a swimmer, then you know that your lap and form is as good as your breathing technique. And once you’re done with your mediocre lap? You’d get a pat on your back and get asked do it all over again.
That’s how I see again. That’s how I hear again. It’s a sore word in my life in more ways than one.
Again was my 2018 word.
Not too long after neighbours came out of their homes to watch the fireworks and shout Happy New Year into the night sky, the journey of again began for my husband and I. It’s as though we found ourselves standing on the crux of every promise God had ever spoken to us.Have you ever felt that every promise God has spoken to you was about to happen? And then it all fell apart? @thatgirlkoki Click To Tweet
That book my husband had tried to publish right before we got married but couldn’t because we had a wedding and marriage to think about? God gave it a green light. And He miraculously provided for it. We danced for joy, did our research on publishers and went for it only for it to be a disaster. The first shot to our hearts and dreams.
That career in media God had spoken numerously about over the years for me, the one I had quit on because doors kept shutting me out, He was saying to try again. And He started by telling me to write the book He said to because, get this, if I didn’t, He’d take it away. Not my gift but the anointing.
The season of becoming parents had come so we went for it. And I became pregnant immediately. Oh the joy in our hearts! Until…we miscarried a few months after. Even as we healed and tried to make sense of it all, we got pregnant again. Only to lose the baby again, even after our pastor told us it wouldn’t happen again. We were left cradling questions instead of a baby again.
Like I said, again was my 2018 word.
Don’t be afraid to dream again. I was. Don’t be afraid to try again. I am.Are you afraid to dream again? #chosennotcheated @thatgirlkoki Click To Tweet
It’s not easy trusting God in the same place where you feel broken. It’s not easy trusting that God still has good plans for you in the very place you feel cheated. And even beyond my dreams, God has asked me to cast my net again in the very place of my failure. In the very place of my loss. In the very place of my pain.
It’s not easy. It’s not fun. We’re scared.It's not easy trusting God in the same place where you feel broken ... where you feel cheated. #chosennotcheated @thatgirlkoki Click To Tweet
But His hands hold on to mine and He looks me squarely in the eyes, gaze so warm you want to just soak in it, and He whispers, again. I know His heart. I know He is good. And I can feel my soul grow wings. I’m still scared, but He’s here with me, reminding me that presence is always the best answer and here looks better when it’s in front of you, holding you, sticking around.
My story, much like yours, is a universal story.
Like me, you’ve probably cradled failure. Promises made to you have been broken. Dreams you gave your all for, even the ones that found home in your heart unexpectedly, have suffered loss and gathered dust in the waiting and door closing. I hear you.
Sis, I wonder if God is standing at the door of your heart right now whispering again even as you shout no. Like Peter in Luke 5, no matter how exasperated you are, won’t you let Him into your boat? Won’t you let down your net again, in the very place of your failure again at His word?
I don’t know what you’ve been through or what lies you’re battling now. I don’t know the bruise that again presses heavy on your heart. But I know that God is a God of plot twists. And even though He can do it all by Himself, sometimes He asks us to partner with Him for the turnaround we ask for in our lives with that word — again.God is a God of plot twists. Won't you let down your nets and trust Him with your again? #chosennotcheated @thatgirlkoki Click To Tweet
What if again is a mind and heart shift about the way we see ourselves, how we see our situations and God?
What if again is a chance to truly mean it when we say God is good in the bitter and in the sweet? Or that again is how our sailor hearts become seaworthy? What if again is the answer to the prayer you’ve been making all those years? Would you trust Him then? Would you trust the process with its twists and turns?
God’s again is an ask that won’t quit. Won’t you unfurl the corners of your heart and trust Him with it? He writes the best stories and yours is no exception.
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll see again for the beauty intended by the One who speaks it.
Chosen Not Cheated is a story about going back to the place where the light shone in your eyes. Back to the place where you feel weightless, and with your dreams within reach. It’s a story about becoming in the in-between, thin and hard places you find yourself in life. And it’s seeing for yourself, I mean really seeing for yourself, all the ways you’re chosen by God no matter how cheated you feel. This is about scars, journeys, and stories. Yours and mine. Chosen, not cheated.
Koki Oyuke is a stargazer and author who spins galaxies with words. She’s called to heal, teach and inspire people to get a 20/20 vision of themselves. You can find her on her website or Instagram and Facebook. It’s hard to miss her. She’ll be the one blowing kisses like confetti.
Have You Read Our Story of Hope?
Much like Koki, our story was one of broken dreams. It took, and still today takes, trying again. We had to let our nets down and give God our best again and again. It hasn’t been easy, but the story God is writing is far better than any I could have imagined!Read our story of hope - our story of learning to surrender ... because we all need the help in letting go of what isn't ours to hold. #surrenderedheartsbook #hope Click To Tweet
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