Today was a day of trials. One after the other. And they left my sensitive soul fall prey to the whispers of the enemy. The kinds of whispers he loves to taunt Mamas with because he knows it cuts deep. It’s the whispers that say:
I am messing up…missing things…falling behind.
I am not capable…not smart…not wise.
I am not loving…not patient…not a good Mama.
Have you ever heard those whispers? The ones that make your stomach twist in knots and your heart crumble?
I battled insurance, front desk staff at a lab, and I battled time. I weathered oppositional and extreme behaviors and then fought the fear that wanted to control my daughter. I stretched my mind around medical terms and directions that felt above anything I could grasp. It was only noon and I already wanted to cry. And I let my guard down just enough to begin to hear the whispers.
I could have gotten stuck there. Easily. I’ve done it before…I’ve been known to get stuck in many a yucky place. But, I heard a whisper that stood out above the others. Maybe the years of getting stuck have sharpened my ears to listen for the truth. To listen to Jesus. And today He used a friend to drown out the whispers of the enemy. He made sure I heard truth to drown out the lies.
He reminded me…
That this is hard. Really hard. But His strength will get me through. And He is using every challenge and every hard day to carve out a very big plan for a very special little child.
That I am a real Mama with a real God Who is going to fill in all the missing gaps. He is I AM and,thankfully, I am NOT!
That no matter what the enemy dishes out, God will use it for good!
That even when my heart is not feeling the “gushy” kind of love toward one of my children, God’s love is firmly planted in my heart. It is the “purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another.” It is committed which means it will never give up.
That just as Moses felt inadequate and asked God to choose someone else for the job (Exodus 4:10-13), I, too may feel inadequate. But, “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.”
That my God is for me and with me in every battle I must fight.
And last but not least…..That sometimes a good nap is great medicine!
These stinky days are not over. I’m all but sure there are many more on the horizon. I am also completely sure that the enemy will continue to whisper his lies. But I will call them for what they are and replace them with the Truth of Jesus.
I am a real Mama and this is hard. Really hard. But this Mama has been called by a great big God to do this hard thing and I know that I can do it with Him in me.
He keeps my hope burning bright.
Even on the stinky days.
Sweet Mamas, my prayers are with you! That you hear the whispers of Jesus over the whispers of the enemy. And that you remember you have been called and therefore equipped, even when you don’t feel it. And finally, my friends, that your hope burns bright…even on the stinky days.
I’ve linked up this post at Suzie Eller’s Live Free Thursday! Stop by her blog to be encouraged to Live Free!